just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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