She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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