the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
