she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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