I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
