I don't usually arrange sex via text message
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
