My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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