I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
