we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There r osticjed everywhere
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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