doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i barfeds in our rink
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
