every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
