Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
