Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
