i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
