he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
