idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
