somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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