i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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