I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
