see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
