grandma shit on top of the toilet
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
