Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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