I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
