We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
