So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
