hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
