how can u be prego again
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
