So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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