Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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