You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
