Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
