she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
