Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
