I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
