OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
