We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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