3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
