I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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