if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
