my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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