I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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