I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
