She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
