We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
