had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This house was built for laser tag.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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