the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
