you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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