She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
