Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
