Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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