it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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