There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
