it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
