Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Michael Bay diarrhea
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
